


Feel Again

by Mixk



Series: Feel Again [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Kid Fic, M/M, Male Slash, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-09 10:43:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mixk/pseuds/Mixk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raleigh Becket has been looking for <i>the one</i> for what feels like an eternity. He's 32, and his love life can be summed up in a 6 month relationship and a long list of bad dates. As for Herc Hansen, he's stopped looking a long time ago, devoted to raising his son on his own as a widower, thinking he had his chance at love and should be content with the happiness his deceased wife gave him.</p><p>One night, after a particularly bad date, as Raleigh is about to give up on men, he meets Herc, and both their lives are turned upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feel Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frikadeller](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frikadeller/gifts).



Raleigh's barely sent the text message when his phone starts ringing in his hand, the screen showing his brother's face. He picks up after a second, taking a deep breath to calm the turmoil inside him.

" _What did that asshole do?_ " Yancy asks right away, knowing fully well by now how Raleigh's date went. After the third date or so, his brother had picked up on Raleigh's pattern whenever a date went downhill. 

"Condescending, thought he was better than me," Raleigh explains, flinching as he recalls his expeditious date. The guy was definitely cute, but had also looked down on Raleigh for only being an elementary school teacher. Raleigh had gotten nervous, and had ordered more wine than his date, who had taken that as another bad sign. _It's better this way_ , he tells himself. He doesn't want to be with a pretentious guy—who wears a sweater vest on a hot summer evening? "Oh, and he implied I was an alcoholic."

" _Was that the doctor?_ "

"Yeah," Raleigh says dejectedly as he gets on the subway, reveling in the cool conditioned air inside. There are few things in life he hates more than taking the subway in summer. Subway platforms in New York turn into ovens during summer, and Raleigh can barely stand waiting for a couple of seconds before sweating profusely. He frowns at the only available seat that happens to be next to an overly affectionate couple. Raleigh takes this is as a loud 'Fuck you' from the universe, and wonders what he could have possibly done to deserve it.

" _You're better off without that pompous jerk._ "

Yancy's voice brings him out of his reverie. 

" _Better luck next time, right?_ "

"Right."

 

 ——————————

"This is New York. It shouldn't be this hard to meet people, right?" Raleigh says with a groan as he plops down on the couch next to his brother, and picks up one of the remaining kibbehs from the coffee table. He's famished, the amount of alcohol he ingested earlier only making things worse. Raleigh eats when he's upset, and with his infamous track record of terrible dates, Yancy makes sure to cut him off from eating junk food. 

"Well, technically, you  _are_ meeting people," Yancy points out, taking a sip of beer as he glances at Raleigh. "They're just not good for you."

"Why is this happening to me?" Raleigh says, letting out an exasperated breath. He's had so many bad dates his love life could be turned into a very bad rom-com. It's that ridiculous. He can hardly believe this is his life sometimes, and tonight he feels like he's reached his limit.

"I don't know what to tell you, baby bro," Yancy says, patting his shoulder lightly as he hands him a beer, which Raleigh takes gladly.

"You'd think this city would be the best place for a gay guy to meet someone," he says, taking a long sip of his beer before reaching for the bowl of hummus and setting it on his lap.

"Well, I did meet Scott here," Yancy counters, and hands him the plate of pita bread. 

"Thanks for reminding me," Raleigh says bitterly, stuffing himself with hummus as he settles more comfortably on the couch, leaning into his brother. He rests his head on Yancy's shoulder, and tries to pay attention to whatever show his brother's watching, in vain. He always gets depressed after a date, losing just a tiny bit more hope of ever finding someone. Once upon a time, Raleigh even thought he would find  _the one_. He's all but stopped believing by now. 

"I'm sorry, Rals," Yancy says, heaving a sigh. "You're a pain in the ass sometimes, but you're still a great guy. Anyone would be lucky to be with you."

"And yet, here I am," Raleigh says, heaving another sigh. It seems it's all Raleigh ever does lately. Sigh. The two of them stay like that for a while, watching the TV idly and snacking, and Raleigh catches Yancy exchanging a few texts with Scott.  If there's one thing that's going right in Raleigh's life, it's his relationship with Yancy. He's grateful every day to have his big brother supporting him, caring for him and helping him through hard times.

"I'm going to miss this," Raleigh murmurs.

"You'll always be welcome here, Rals," Yancy says, and ruffles his hair for good measure, as he's always been wont to. "And I told you, we're not kicking you out, you can stay for as long as you want. You know I wouldn't let Scott move in otherwise, right?"

"Yeah, I know," Raleigh says, smiling softly at his brother. Yancy and Scott have been dating for almost a year now, and have recently decided to take the next step for their relationship and live together. This decision coincided with the fact that Scott's brother needed a new place. From what Raleigh's gathered, Scott's sister-in-law passed away a few years ago, and his brother can't afford a whole house by himself anymore. Since Scott's place is in Manhattan, closer to everything, and more affordable than the suburban house Herc's currently living in, he offered his apartment to his brother. As a result, Scott is moving in, and Raleigh decided to find his own place to let them have their privacy—he imagines moving in together must be challenging enough without a third wheel, and doesn't want to jeopardize his brother's relationship. Besides, he and Yancy have both known they wouldn't live together forever, and Raleigh feels it's time for him to be on his own. Finding a place in the city isn't easy though, and he's already dreading the apartment hunting. He envies Yancy sometimes, for having it all together. The great job, the great boyfriend, the apartment—everything. 

"You know what ? I give up on men," Raleigh announces. "I'm tired of all the false hopes and disappointments—"

Raleigh's interrupted by loud knocks on their door, and Yancy bounces off the couch to go answer it, as though he'd been expecting it. Turning around to see who could be there at almost 9 pm, Raleigh sees his brother greeting his boyfriend with a kiss. Raleigh's surprised, as he remembers Yancy telling him Scott had plans with his brother tonight, but smiles at the thought of hanging out with Scott anyway. Scott really is a nice and fun guy, and if Yancy hadn't met him first, Raleigh most likely would have tried his chance at dating Scott. In the end, he sees what a great couple they are together—they're both lawyers, so it's no surprise they get along so well. Raleigh's come to see Scott as a brother too, after all this time. Scott hasn't come alone, Raleigh notices, seeing another man beside him that looks a lot like Scott. Probably his brother, Raleigh deduces. He gets up from the couch to greet them all, and as he walks closer, he takes a better look at Scott's brother. They definitely look like brothers, pale freckled skin, dark red hair, piercing blue eyes. Handsome. 

"Babe, this is Herc, and his son Chuck," Scott says, pointing at the boy clutching Herc's leg tightly. "Herc, Chuck, this is Yancy, and that's Raleigh, his brother."

"Nice to meet you," Yancy says as he shakes Herc's hand briefly, before crouching down to be at eye level with Chuck. "Hey Chuck, how're you doing?"

Raleigh smiles when Chuck only tightens his grip around his father's leg to hide his face behind it, having seen this shy act one too many times at work. Chuck looks about 5 or 6, about the same height as the kids' Raleigh teaches. Yancy looks lost, standing back up to give Raleigh a call for help. Shaking his head in amusement, Raleigh walks over to the Hansens, greeting Scott and Herc first before crouching down to Chuck's eye level. He knows his way around kids—he didn't choose to teach elementary school for nothing—and likes to think he can get any kid to warm up to him.

"Hello, Chuck," he says, and extends his hand to the little boy. "I'm Raleigh, and I promise we don't eat children."

"That's exactly what someone who eats children would say," Chuck replies as he squints his eyes at Raleigh. Raleigh's taken aback by the kid's wit, and bursts out laughing.

"Well, we already had dinner, and we don't eat good kids," Raleigh reassures Chuck. "Have you been a good kid to your dad?"

Chuck nods in response, and when he finally agrees to shake Raleigh's hand, it feels like a victory Raleigh desperately needed tonight. Raleigh doesn't miss the incredulous look from Herc when he stands back up, and can't help but smile nervously at the man. There's an intimidating aura around Herc that Raleigh finds himself drawn to, that makes Raleigh's pulse quicken. It's a strange mix of ambivalent feelings bordering on uncomfortable, so Raleigh sticks close to his brother when they all move to the living room to settle down. 

Raleigh makes a quick trip to the kitchen to bring their guests something to drink—beers for the adults, milk for Chuck—and hands his 3DS to an overjoyed Chuck before he settles on the remaining armchair. He's itching to ask what prompted this visit, but thankfully, he doesn't need to wait long to find out as Scott gets right into it—the man hates beating around the bush, Raleigh found that out the first time he met him. As far as memorable first meetings go, meeting Scott still is number one in Raleigh's mind. Raleigh had caught Scott stepping out of Yancy's bedroom buck naked—and hadn't that been a sight for sore eyes—smiling at Raleigh and telling him right out that he'd fucked his brother nine ways to Sunday all night, as though Raleigh hadn't heard everything first hand.

"So, as you know, Herc's moving in my apartment," Scott says, and exchanges a quick glance with his brother before continuing, "And to make it short, he needs someone to share the rent with."

"You know how Scott's place is right next to your school?" Yancy asks him before he can say anything, and Raleigh starts to get a pretty good idea of where this is going. "You're looking for a new place, and Herc needs a roommate, so we figured it'd be better to have you live with them rather than a total stranger."

"Are...are you ok with that?" Raleigh asks Herc as he tries to come to terms with the idea. It sounds...crazy, but not completely unappealing. Raleigh has seen Scott's apartment, and it's a very nice one. Yancy's right, it is much closer to Raleigh's workplace, and he certainly wouldn't miss rush hour on the subway every morning. Still, Raleigh doesn't feel comfortable with it. "I mean, we might as well be strangers."

"Scott and I talked about it, and he vouches for you. That's enough for me," Herc says with a shrug, making Raleigh's heart skip a beat upon eye contact. God, those  _eyes._  "Besides, they're right, I would rather have you than a complete stranger, not to mention going through the pain of looking for a flatmate."

"I don't know," Raleigh says after a moment, a million thoughts going through his mind at once, and diverts his eyes away from Herc, feeling hot under the intensity of the man's gaze. "What about Chuck?"

"I don't mind," Chuck tells Raleigh with a shrug, eyes never leaving the console's screen. "You seem cool."

"You don't have to give a definite answer now," Scott assures him. "Think about it, ok?"

"We wanted to tell you about this separately, which is actually what Scott was doing tonight," Yancy explains. "Since you and Herc were going to have to meet sooner or later to talk about this, and you came home early tonight, we figured, why not now?"

Raleigh frowns at his brother, wishing Yancy had at least given him a heads up about all this. Yancy has a tendency to do that, make decisions for Raleigh before talking to him about it. Raleigh glances at Herc then, and meets kind blue eyes, a soft smile tugging at the corners of the man's lips. Raleigh's tempted to say yes at this point, but he does tell them he'll take some time to think on it.

 

 

—————————————— 

After that first meeting, Raleigh meets with Herc and Chuck a few more times—with Scott and Yancy's help—before they decide to take the plunge. Moving in with Herc and Chuck does take some adapting in the beginning, especially for Chuck. Moving to new place is hard enough for a kid—Raleigh knows it all too well—but welcoming a stranger into a new home is another thing altogether, especially when Chuck ends up spending a lot of time with Raleigh at home. Herc is a firefighter, and his work hours are long and ever changing, so it falls on Raleigh to look after Chuck—no point in hiring a babysitter when Raleigh can do the job, he tells Herc.

During the couple of days when he and Chuck are alone for the first time, things are a bit awkward, with Chuck acting hesitant around him. Chuck isn't familiar enough with Raleigh to be rude or disobedient though—it helps that Chuck is used to babysitters, adding to Raleigh's experience with kids. After the initial tiptoeing around each other, Chuck warms up to him, and within the last couple of weeks of summer break, Raleigh and Chuck end up becoming good friends. It's a relief to Raleigh, to have Chuck take to him so easily in the end—Raleigh had come up with dreadful scenarios—but then again, Chuck is at that age where children are more forgiving and welcome to change.

It's a bit more difficult when all three of them are together. As kids are wont to do, Chuck acts out in front of Raleigh, defying Herc's authority several times to impress him. With Herc's permission, Raleigh sets Chuck straight, teaching him about the importance of respect toward your parents, and after a few days, things go a bit smoother.

Before they know it, school starts with Chuck entering the first grade and ending up in Raleigh's class. When Raleigh thinks about it, this little living situation they've arranged works out well, for everyone. Raleigh takes Chuck to school every morning, and back home in the afternoon, saving Herc the time and trouble when he has to work. As a result, Chuck's classmates notice pretty quickly how Raleigh and Chuck come to school and leave together.

"Mr. Becket, are you Chuck's dad?" one of the kids asks by the end of the first week of classes, getting the attention of everyone. Raleigh catches Chuck's wide eyed expression, and hurries to fix this before things can get out of hand and make Chuck even more uncomfortable. 

"I'm actually not," Raleigh says as he takes a seat on one of the tiny chairs among his students. "Chuck is family though. His uncle is dating my brother."

That statement is enough to divert the topic off of Chuck, and prompts a million other questions from the kids about same-sex couples. Raleigh is more than happy to educate young minds on that subject, and makes a point of shaping them into open-minded and tolerant ones. Kids are smarter than they're given credit for, they soak up knowledge like no one else, and that's what Raleigh enjoys the most about them. Curiosity. Enthusiasm. The rest of the day goes on without a hitch, much to Raleigh's relief, and he's glad to see Chuck adapting to elementary school smoothly. He doesn't expect, however, to have his little exposé on the different kinds of families to backfire on him.

"Don't you want to be my new dad?" Chuck asks him after school on their way home, almost making Raleigh choke on the scone he's eating.  

"You already have a dad, Chuck," Raleigh says after a few coughs, and clears his throat.

"But you said some people had two dads, and others two moms," Chuck argues, looking up at Raleigh with his wide blue eyes, which keep reminding Raleigh of Herc's. 

"That's true, but your dad and I, we're not married," Raleigh explains, feeling increasingly uncomfortable. If only Chuck knew just how much Raleigh thinks about it. He wishes things were that simple, and forgets that to someone Chuck's age, it does seem that way. 

"Why not? Don't you like my dad?"

"Remember what I said earlier in class? Not everyone's gay," Raleigh says patiently as they get to their building, and unlocks the door.

"Oh, you're not gay?"

"Um...actually, I am," Raleigh admits, not having the heart to lie to a 5 year-old.

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's not that simple, Chuck," Raleigh says, finding it harder and harder to deflect Chuck's questions. Kids' innocence and resilience can get pretty frustrating too, Raleigh's reminded now. "Your dad and I don't see each other that way. Your dad isn't gay."

"He had a boyfriend before he met my mom," Chuck says nonchalantly, and that makes Raleigh's heart jump up in his throat. 

"How do you know that?" Raleigh asks tentatively, not sure whether he has any right to inquire about Herc's personal life like this, but unable to stop himself either. He's surprised to see Chuck discussing his father's love life like this, considering kids usually don't like the idea of their parents being with anyone but each other. Chuck  _is_ pretty smart for his age, though, Raleigh discovered early on, and it wouldn't surprise him if Chuck ends up skipping one or two grades.

"Uncle Scott told me," Chuck answers, leaving Raleigh speechless. 

He wishes Chuck had never revealed that piece of information about his father. Raleigh can keep his feelings in check, putting on off-limits labels on people he can never have. Needless to say, it becomes significantly harder to not lust after Herc from that point on. 

 

 

——————————————

It's a little after ten o'clock when Herc comes home, exhausted from his day shift, and is surprised to find Raleigh waiting for him. Raleigh's usually gone to bed at this hour on a school night, since he likes to start his days early from what Herc's learned since school started a couple of weeks ago. He tries to get the night shifts as often as possible, so he can get home by 7 am to see Chuck off to school, and see him again in the afternoon. The 72 hours off he gets after two night shifts are pretty nice too. 

"Have you eaten anything?" Raleigh asks as he leans against the doorframe that leads into the living room, arms crossed over his chest. Herc is too baffled to say anything for a second.

"Uh...no, didn't get to," Herc replies as he gets out of his boots, stretching his sore back as he stands up. He sometimes snacks on whatever's available at the station, but tonight, he's been too busy with a car accident in Queens. The naps he gets on the subway are never enough, even if the commute from the station down in Brooklyn is pretty long. 

"I'll warm up dinner for you. Go ahead and clean up," Raleigh tells him, already setting off to the kitchen when Herc stops him, grabbing the latter's arm.

"You don't have to, Raleigh. You have an early start tomorrow," Herc says, feeling guilty at the thought of Raleigh sacrificing sleep over him. Raleigh's doing so much for him already, what with looking out after Chuck for basically every waking hour of every day. Herc feels uncomfortable enough as it is, unloading so much of his parenting onto Raleigh.

"You have an even earlier start than me, Herc," Raleigh points out, giving him what Herc has come to call the 'teacher smile'. "And you had a longer, more tiring day, too. This is the least I can do."

Herc doesn't know what to say to that, stunned by Raleigh's kindness. He's not used to being taken care of—well, not for a long time, at least. Not since Angela, actually, and that thought reopens old wounds Herc thought were long healed. "Thank you," he manages to croak, and clears his throat, looking up at Raleigh's kind blue gaze. 

"It's nothing. Go take that shower. Dinner will be ready when you're done."

"Already grabbed a shower at the station," Herc says as he follows Raleigh into the kitchen, raising an eyebrow at the plate of vegetables Raleigh's taking out of the fridge. Raleigh's laughter calls for his attention, and he looks up to find Raleigh shaking his head at him.

"Do you know you get the same look as Chuck when you see veggies?" Raleigh says, grinning as he takes a beer and another container from the fridge.

"Yeah, well, not my favorite thing to eat," Herc replies as he takes a seat at the kitchen island, accepting the beer Raleigh hands him. 

"That's what I gathered," Raleigh says as he turns the microwave oven on. "I don't even want to know what you used to eat before, I'm just glad I came along to save you."

"Save us?" Herc returns with a challenging tone. 

"Yeah, I'm setting you both on the right path to a long and healthy life," Raleigh declares, and takes a seat opposite Herc, leaning forward on the table. "Don't worry, your own son didn't even need any convincing to finish his plate tonight. That should be reassuring enough for you, right?"

"Right," Herc says, taking a long sip from his bottle, enjoying the cool and sparkly liquid refreshing his throat. He didn't realize it had been that long since he last drank anything today. He truly relaxes then, letting his shoulders slump down, and massages his neck idly while Raleigh sets everything out on the table for him. It looks like a feast. There's a plate of mashed potatoes, next to one with roast vegetables, and the one Raleigh sets in front of Herc has big chunks of beef in a brown gravy.

"Thanks, Raleigh," Herc says, his appetite taking over him as he helps himself to a big scoop of mashed potatoes. "For everything."

"You're welcome," Raleigh replies, taking his seat back across the table. "Doesn't excuse you from eating those veggies, though."

"Of course," Herc says, making sure to show Raleigh the vegetables he puts on top of the potatoes. He eats in comfortable silence, enjoying Raleigh's homemade cooking immensely. Raleigh's been a blessing in Herc's life, he's come to realize. The guy is great with Chuck, a joy to be around, and he can _cook_. Actually cook, not just the basic pasta with store-bought sauce that Herc throws together in a few minutes. It upsets Herc to think that such a great guy is struggling to find love. Raleigh isn't bad looking either, and so Herc has come to the conclusion that Raleigh just hasn't found anyone good enough for him—which is, really, the only logical conclusion behind Raleigh's struggle. 

"This is really good," Herc says in between bites, grabbing his beer bottle for another sip.

"Even the veggies?" Raleigh teases him, with that bashful twinkle in his eyes that Herc's come to love. It makes Raleigh look even younger, even more adorable. 

"Even the veggies," Herc confirms, shaking his head fondly at the younger man. "How's Chuck doing?"

"Incredibly good, all things considered," Raleigh answers, letting out a breath. "Chuck is scary smart for his age. It's a bit early to say, but he'll probably be bumped to second grade by the end of the semester. Just giving you a heads up."

Herc smiles proudly at that, nodding along as he thinks of his son. He's beyond happy to have Chuck in his life, feels lucky to have such an understanding and intelligent kid. Chuck could give Herc a hard time for dumping him off on Scott so often because of work, but he doesn't, never has. He was worried for a while—hell, he still is—back when Angela had just passed away. Chuck was barely 2, and Herc had hardly been great with Chuck as a baby. Scott wasn't of much help either until Chuck grew a bit more, and until then, a nanny proved to be necessary. Herc wishes every day he could give his kid a better life, wishes Angela were still here to make things better when Herc isn't. 

"You're a good dad, Herc," Raleigh says, bringing him out of his thoughts with a hand on his arm, as though he was just reading his mind. "Chuck loves you, you know that, right? You're his superhero."

It means the world to Herc, hearing this from Raleigh, and it actually makes him tear up a bit. Chuck can get difficult with him at times, and it always makes Herc question himself as a parent.

"Thank you," he says, the words coming out with a shaky breath, and he smiles gratefully at Raleigh.

 

 

—————————————— 

"Dad!"

Herc watches as Chuck bounces away from Raleigh, the latter having barely finished putting on Chuck's scarf and bobble hat. The weather's getting colder and colder every day as they go further into December. Herc's barely taken a couple of steps inside that he gets assaulted by his enthusiastic son, letting out a choked breath as his son collides against his legs.

"Hey, kiddo, ready for school?" Herc says, letting out a small yawn as he picks Chuck up in his arms and ruffles the latter's red locks. "Oof, you're getting too heavy for me."

"No, I'm not!" Chuck protests as he wraps his arms around Herc's neck, causing Herc to chuckle. He loves these precious stolen moments he gets with his son, when he comes home after a night shift. He's usually home by 7, and gets an hour with Chuck at home before school, but things ran a little late this morning at work. 

"Do you want to go with us today? You look really tired," Raleigh says, his worry coming through his tone as they make eye contact. Herc still finds it amazing how smoothly Raleigh's come to fit in their lives, unofficially becoming Chuck's second father, and Herc's partner—though he'd never say it out loud for fear of scaring Raleigh off. The thought of Raleigh being more than...more than his friend has definitely crossed his mind a couple of times, but he's discarded it easily, seeing it as nothing but a silly fantasy conjured by an aging man. 

"Nah, I'm good," Herc lies, because he feels every bit as tired as he apparently looks. He wouldn't trade even one minute of time spent with Chuck—and incidentally, with Raleigh—for hours of sleep. "Is it time to go, then?"

"Yeah!" Chuck says, not budging from Herc's arms. 

"Come on, Chuck, your old man's not strong enough to carry you to school anymore," he says, putting his son down and taking his gloved hand instead. 

They set off the three of them together to brave the cold winter air outside, with Chuck having fun stepping in untouched parcels of snow. It's become routine now, for Herc and Raleigh to take Chuck to school in the morning whenever Herc's work schedule allows it, each one of them holding one of Chuck's hands. Chuck seems happier with Raleigh in their lives—Herc would have to be blind not to notice it—and he feels blessed every day for Raleigh's presence, though he doesn't voice it. It doesn't take long to walk to the school, and before Herc knows it, he's giving Chuck a quick hug and kiss. Chuck is fidgeting, eager to join his friends, only holding Raleigh's hand now as he waits for them to say their goodbyes as well. 

"Your lunch is—"

"In the fridge, ready to be nuked," Herc finishes Raleigh's sentence for him, returning the latter's grin. "Thank you."

"Go home and get some sleep, yeah? See you soon," Raleigh says, patting him on the arm before walking away with Chuck.

"Bye, daddy!"

"Have a good day," Herc says, waving at the two most important people in his life right now. The realization that Raleigh has become as important as Chuck to him feels like a slap in the face as he watches Raleigh smiling and waving back at him. 

 

 

——————————————

"Bad date?" Herc asks when Raleigh comes through the front door, walking over to the couch to sit next to Herc. Raleigh slumps down on the couch, feeling even more drained because of the failure that was his date earlier. For a long time, Yancy has been in Herc's place, consoling Raleigh after a disappointing date. It's funny how things change, and yet are still the same, somehow. Raleigh revels in the kind smile Herc sends his way, trying to ignore the flutters in his chest.

"Horrible," Raleigh answers Herc, kicking his shoes off his feet to bring his knees up against his chest.

"What went wrong?"

 _Couldn't stop thinking about you,_ Raleigh thinks as he tries to come up with other, less important reasons why the date was an utter failure. The guy wasn't Raleigh's type, for starters—although Raleigh's type has significantly been reduced to older, blue-eyed ginger men as of late. Then the conversation was almost nonexistent between them. He ended things early on, seeing no point in pursuing something that just wasn't there, especially when all he could think about was how he would much rather be home. With Herc.

"Nothing to talk about," Raleigh says with a shrug. 

"Sorry to hear that," Herc says, handing him the bowl of trail mix he's been snacking on. It never ceases to amaze Raleigh how fast Herc picked up on all the things Yancy used to do for him, and how Herc genuinely cares to learn them all. It's no wonder he's fallen for Herc over the past six months, really, when he thinks about it. For almost a year now, he's been living the life he's always dreamed of for himself, save for a few details. He's come to see Herc and Chuck as his own family, and more than once he has fantasized about it being official, about marrying Herc, adopting Chuck. Living with them is easy, and being in a relationship with Herc seems like a better idea every day, especially when he's out there on dates that only make him realize just how great a friendship he already has with Herc, and how perfect it could be if they were more than...whatever they currently are. 

"It's all right, I'm used to it," Raleigh replies, picking out the almonds from the mix.

"You shouldn't have to," Herc says. "I don't understand how someone like you is still single."

"I could say the same thing about you," Raleigh returns.

"Raleigh, I'm a 40 year-old widow with a son."

"So? I see a lot of mothers at school looking your way, you know," Raleigh tells him, trying to conceal how jealous he actually feels over that. The mornings Herc gets to walk with them to school always test Raleigh's self control, the urge to kiss Herc taking over him every single time a single mom comes over to say hi to Herc. He's got no right, of course, but he can't help the way he feels. He's glad no one notices, at least.

"Doesn't mean anything," Herc mutters, his shrug a clear dismissal that quells Raleigh's worries of Herc actually giving any thought to all the flirting single mothers. Raleigh can see the appeal all these women find in Herc all too well, especially since he lives with the man. It reminds him how lucky he is to share his life with Herc this way.  It has become clear to him some time ago that he doesn't see himself having any other life now, doesn't see himself living with anyone but Herc and Chuck, and that doesn't scare him at all. What scares him, however, is the uncertainty of how long he will get to be with them. To see Chuck grow up, to spend time with Herc, to build new memories with them. 

"If you say so," Raleigh mumbles, letting his head rest on Herc's shoulder absentmindedly, and straightens back up a second later when he remembers this isn't Yancy he's sitting with. "Sorry, I'm getting pretty tired."

"It's all right," Herc tells him. "I don't mind."

Raleigh takes his chances, leaning back into Herc's warm body as the latter wraps an arm around his shoulders. He can't help but wonder if there's anything to make of the fact that Herc is so comfortable with the physical intimacy they're sharing at the moment. It makes Raleigh think of all the nights he's spent like this with his brother, huddled on the couch with the TV as comforting background noise. The only difference being that he's in love with Herc.

 

 

—————————————— 

It's a little after nine o'clock, Raleigh's finished his third glass of sangria at the bar—that douchey doctor last summer might have been onto something—and is about to leave after waiting over an hour for his date to show up when he realises he left his wallet at home. He pats his pockets frantically for a good few minutes, panic rising in him. At least he's got his phone. Under normal circumstances, he'd call Yancy to come to his rescue, but Yancy's out of town, on vacation with Scott and Chuck. The thought makes him chuckle, he hadn't seen Chuck so excited since his birthday at the zoo.

So he calls Herc. He doesn't really know why he bothers going on dates anymore—to put up appearances? To distract himself from the hopeless torch he's carrying for Herc? Part of him—a very small part—hopes he'll get over it, will actually find someone as good as Herc. He feels bad, calling Herc when the latter has barely finished his shift, but sees no other choice.

" _Raleigh, what's up?_ "

"Sorry to bother you," Raleigh starts, tempted to back out now that he's got Herc on the line. It really is an awful thing to ask of Herc, when he knows the man works so hard. 

" _What's wrong? Are you all right?_ " Herc asks, ever the worrier, and his concern only makes Raleigh's heart feel heavier.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just...I'm so stupid," Raleigh says, followed by a frustrated huff. "I got stood up, I've had a whole pitcher of sangria, and I left my wallet home."

" _Where are you? I just got on the A right now._ "

"I'm at Las Ramblas," Raleigh replies, comforting himself in the thought that Herc won't have to go too far out of his way to come get him, the bar being close to their place.

" _All right, on my way._ "

Herc ends the call there, before Raleigh can ask if he's had dinner yet. He shouldn't have to ask by now, knows that Herc will wait till the end of his shift to eat with Raleigh, as has become routine a long time ago. But Herc knew he had a date tonight, so Raleigh wanted to make sure. He orders a few tapas for Herc anyway—it's the least he can do, really—and another pitcher of sangria because he might as well. He's 33 years old now, still single, in love with a man who's been emotionally scarred by the loss of his wife, and who is unlikely to return Raleigh's feelings. Yet Raleigh can't remember being as happy as he has this past year, and it's all thanks to the Hansens. 

He doesn't see the time go by—being drunk will do that to you—and it feels like it's only been a minute since his call when Herc finds him at the bar, a warm and strong hand on his shoulder. Raleigh's breath hitches in his throat as he glances up at Herc, the dark ambient light making the latter's blue eyes stand out beautifully, and he can't help staring over Herc's fit body. 

"Hey," Herc says as he sits next to him, and Raleigh looks away as he slides a glass of sangria towards Herc, holding his glass up at him.

"Thanks for coming," Raleigh says as they clink their glasses together, and points at the plate of tapas. "I ordered your favorites."

"Good, I'm starving."

"How was your day?" Raleigh asks, watching Herc eat with gusto, and loving every second of it. He could watch Herc do anything and nothing, he would still end up enjoying it. He has it that bad, he realizes, but he figures he can't be blamed, because Herc is that gorgeous, with his sharp stubbly jaw, his intensely blue eyes and beautiful lips. Raleigh's also very drunk, and letting his thoughts run wild. 

"Pretty quiet today, so we did some maintenance on the trucks," Herc says, shrugging as he washes one of the tapas down with sangria. Herc doesn't mention Raleigh's no-show of a date, for which Raleigh's grateful, and instead they exchange pictures that their respective brother have sent them throughout the day. Yancy and Scott seem to be having a lot of fun, up in the Hamptons. They've taken Chuck along with them, and Chuck has been enjoying the beach every day for the past three days, perks of staying in a beachfront condo. Raleigh and Herc are supposed to drive up to join them tomorrow for a few days, Herc's schedule keeping him here the past couple of days. Raleigh stayed behind, not having the heart to leave Herc alone.

"Look at his skin, it's short of burning," Herc mutters, pointing at a smiling Chuck on his phone screen. "I've told Scott repeatedly to apply sun screen on him regularly."

"I'll remind Yancy," Raleigh says, executing himself as he types a quick text message to his brother. "Have you stocked up on sun screen for yourself, by the way?"

"Thought I'd do it tomorrow before leaving," Herc replies as he finishes his plate, and calls the bartender for the check, throwing a glance at Raleigh's way. He takes the glass from Raleigh's hand, the brush of their fingers sending sparks up Raleigh's arm. Raleigh doesn't miss the concerned expression on Herc's face—he's seen it often enough to recognize it—but doesn't protest. "Let's get you home, yeah?"

Raleigh just nods, and lets himself be led out of the bar after Herc pays the bill, hoping he'll remember to pay Herc back later. The air outside is a bit cooler now, and so Raleigh presses himself up against Herc's warm body, beyond caring at this point about this reckless move. Herc scrutinizes him for a moment, and then wraps an arm around Raleigh's waist as well, letting Raleigh rest his head on his shoulder as they walk the few blocks home. A few months ago, the lines in Raleigh's relationship with Herc have been blurred, no boundaries clearly defined between them any longer, and Raleigh has been testing the waters ever since. He's chanced a touch on Herc's hand here and there, a few impromptu hugs, nothing too overt, though not completely platonic either. Herc has let him every single time, as he is right now, and Raleigh finds it harder than ever to hide his desires.

"I'm glad that guy stood me up, after all," Raleigh confesses, his mind a bit foggy after all he's had to drink. 

"Really?"

"Mmhhmm," Raleigh hums contentedly as he leans into Herc's body. "I'd choose you over any guy, any time."

Herc stops walking then, stopping Raleigh along with him, and turns to look at him. Raleigh's heart beats faster from the intensity of Herc's gaze, wondering how Herc's going to react to his confession. He's acting a lot more daring than he has in a long time, and he hopes he hasn't read between the lines wrong, hopes that this little dance they've been doing for the better part of the past year wasn't all in Raleigh's head.

"Raleigh...are you saying—"

"Yeah, um," Raleigh starts, feeling invigorated by the fact Herc hasn't moved his hand away from his hip, and clears his throat before adding, "I don't know when it happened, but this past year I realized how happy I was, living with you and Chuck, how I was living the life I've always wanted. Except for this one missing part. You and me."

"You're...you're serious," Herc says, to which Raleigh nods.

Herc's eyes never leave his, Raleigh's heart pounding loud in his ears, and he shivers when he feels Herc's calloused hands frame his face. Herc's lips meet his in a tentative peck that Raleigh deepens, losing himself in a more languorous kiss, moaning softly into. He can taste the lingering sweetness of blackberries on Herc's tongue, can feel Herc's stubble grazing his skin, can smell the ever present scent of smoke and fuel that he's come to associate with Herc, and it's perfection. He's dreamt about this moment for months, and for a second wonders if he hasn't fallen asleep along the way and is in fact dreaming. Herc's touch feels real enough though, and Raleigh doesn't need more to convince himself this is actually happening, letting the wave of relief and joy wash over him freely.

"Let's go home," Herc whispers when they pull away, taking Raleigh's hand in his as they rush the rest of the way back to their place.

They stumble through the apartment in a hurry, struggling to undress each other while keeping their lips pressed together, and Raleigh feels a different kind of buzz at the thought of Herc wanting him as much as he's wanted Herc. They manage to get to Herc's bed unharmed and naked, and once they make it there, Raleigh makes sure to savor this first night with Herc, to map out every inch of freckled skin he's fantasized about one too many times, to kiss Herc breathless until all he can utter is Raleigh's name.

 

——————————————

Herc wakes up slowly from his deep sleep, feeling more at peace with himself than he has in a long while. He can't stop smiling, recalling everything that happened last night, the warm body next to him living proof of it. It took a whole year for them to get to this point, and it makes Herc reflect on every moment that led to this one, from the moment Raleigh moved in to his cry for Herc's help last night. 

_People who truly loved once are far more likely to love again. Herc, do you think there's someone out there you could love as much as your wife?_

"That's hard to conceive," was Herc's answer to his therapist back then. He now has a hard time believing that he was wrong. Raleigh wakes up soon after him, blue eyes blinking at him sleepily, a soft smile settling on his beautiful face then. Herc can't help himself, and cups Raleigh's cheek, tracing circles over the stubbly skin with his thumb. Raleigh covers Herc's hand with his, squeezing it lightly as his smile grows wider and a bark of laughter escapes his lips.

"What?" Herc asks, nudging Raleigh with his leg.

"You know what Chuck asked me after his first week of school?" 

Herc shakes his head.

"He basically asked me to be his new dad, and when I told him you and I weren't married, his reply was 'Why not?'" Raleigh recalls, letting out another chuckle, and Herc joins him. Figures Chuck would say something like that, blunt and no nonsense. 

"He's a smart kid," Herc says, leaning close to place a kiss on Raleigh's lips. "We should listen to him"

"Told you he is," Raleigh whispers into the kiss, only to jerk back abruptly. "Wait, are you proposing to me?"

"Are you saying yes?"

"If you _are_ proposing," Raleigh says, looking at him expectantly with his mesmerizing blue eyes, which never fail to make Herc swoon. 

"Yes, Raleigh Becket, I am asking you to marry me," Herc says, his heart beating faster at the thought of it, wondering where this newfound boldness comes from. "Will you?"

"Of course I will," Raleigh answers, his blinding smile making Herc's heart burst with joy and relief. He can hardly believe he's actually asked Raleigh to marry him, let alone that Raleigh's just said yes. "I mean, we pretty much have been living like a married couple this past year—minus the mind-blowing sex—so we might as well make things official, right?"

Herc laughs at that, because it is fucking true. It's been right in front of him all this time. Raleigh _has_ been taking care of him and Chuck, has been loving them like no one has since Angela, and Herc has been too blind to see it for what it is. Herc didn't think Raleigh could love _him,_ always thought Raleigh would one day find the right guy at last, and leave them—which was fine with Herc, for he's only wanted Raleigh to be happy. If Herc can make Raleigh happy, however, he will do everything in his power to make it happen. Proposing to Raleigh right after sleeping with him for the first time seems insane, Herc admits, but it doesn't feel so. It feels right, and if Raleigh's crazy enough to board on that train, Herc will gladly follow him, wherever it takes them.

"Guess we'll have to make up for lost time, huh?" Herc says, lacing his fingers with Raleigh's as the latter climbs on top of him.

"Definitely," Raleigh agrees, grinning mischievously down at him before leaving a trail of kiss along Herc's jaw. "God, and I'll finally be able to scare off all these moms away from you at school."

"Seriously?" 

"You have no idea how crazy it drives me whenever one of them approaches you," Raleigh mumbles into his neck, and bites the skin there softly.

"If it makes you feel any better, I've never been interested in any of them," Herc says, rewarded with a quick peck for that. Raleigh settles down with his cheek resting upon Herc's chest, arms wrapped around each other. Herc runs his fingers through Raleigh's soft hair, enjoying the silky feel of it. The weight of Raleigh's body on top of him is comforting, grounding, and Herc runs his other hand along Raleigh's back.

"When should we tell everyone?" Raleigh asks after a moment of calm, his gaze finding Herc's again. Right, they will have to tell their family sooner or later. Herc has no doubt Chuck will be thrilled by the news, as will Scott and Yancy, but he doesn't know how to announce it. He and Raleigh should probably get up soon if they want to join them in time for dinner too.

"How about tonight?" Herc suggests.

"Mmhh...yeah ok. How should we do it? Should I introduce myself to their friends as Mr. Raleigh Hansen?" Raleigh muses aloud, a goofy smile spreading over his face. "I rather like the sound of that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What about Mr. Raleigh Becket-Hansen? Does have a nice ring to it too," Herc adds as an afterthought, rolling Raleigh over to lay the latter on his side, so that they're both facing each other on the bed.

"True," Raleigh says. "Hercules Becket-Hansen. We should get rings too."

"We should," Herc agrees, because he does miss having the feel of it around his finger. He hasn't felt quite right ever since he took his wedding ring off, always feeling like he was missing something, qsince Angela left them. Getting a new ring, having Raleigh in his life, it all feels right, like Herc can get another chance at a happy ending, and he doesn't know what he's done to deserve this, but he's thankful nonetheless to be able to feel this kind of absolute love again.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday frikadeller ! :D I hope you enjoy this little fic, and I apologize for it being a bit late. (This turned out to be WAY longer than I'd originally intended). A ginormous thank you to menel who not only did a wonderful beta job so far (only the first half has been beta read, the rest will come later), but also cheered me on and helped with her ideas (the morning scene was her idea).


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